The Revenge of Blue-Collars: Death to Bitcoin, Long Live Dollars

\ It’s not a nice feeling to wake up one fine day and realize what used to be your HOURLY rate is now your DAILY pay rate. It makes you want to cry. Thank you, AI.

\ Long post-ChatGPT-story short: once a freelance writer, now a carpet cleaner. That was the best result of my transition from the virtual and remote to the real working world. There was a silver lining, though, if you fancy and get Monty Python’s sense of humor the right way according to “Life of Brian.”

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\ I’m talking about a healthy lifestyle filled with various exercises and social interactions. To my huge surprise, my new colleagues accepted me without any prejudice and the Jedi initiation test. It goes without saying that no CV was required, and no one couldn’t care less about my previous work experience.

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\ The thing about carpet cleaning is that it isn’t only about carpets but also about - the furniture. For this one, I had to actually consult a dictionary and do some Google research. I’m talking about upholstery cleaning. I can tell you first-hand that it’s a completely different cleaning game.

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\ Upholstery cleaning is more demanding and personal. If I weren’t stuck in some corporate building cleaning job, I was a sidekick carrying steam cleaners from home to home. It wasn’t all that bad.

\ People are, in general, nice and generous to the cleaners who “facelift” their furniture. As an assistant, I really enjoyed talking to our hosts and sharing refreshments with my steam cleaning maestro, including the tips.

\ One day, we found ourselves in a young couple’s home. It wasn’t the fact that both of them were at home during regular 9-to-5 working hours and casually dressed (not in pajamas; we all know that’s not true when it comes to remote working) that gave them away. As soon as I saw a laptop almost in every room and Linux, I knew I met my kind after a long time.

\ The young man was a coder, and his girlfriend was a web designer. We were on the same page in the blink of my colleague’s eye, who wasn’t particularly happy with their demands. There was no point in justifying that we’d have to go the extra mile for people who were working from home, so I kept it quiet. When you’re staying at home and working all day long, you have to have furniture that looks and smells nice. That meant more work for my colleague and more time for me to reflect on the good old remote days.

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\ All good things have to end, my dear virtual friend; it was time to say goodbye and get paid.

\ “I’ve been wondering, do you accept cards by any chance.” The young lady’s innocent question raised my colleague’s eyebrows. I wasn’t the only one to notice this “anti-plastic” sentiment.

\ “Don’t bother, dear. What I wonder is, what would have happened if I were to mention Bitcoin?” Little did the coder know that his laughter following his hypothetical situation would help all hell break loose.

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\ “I don’t prefer. I only accept cash, period. Non-negotiable. We all do.”

\ “What do you mean ‘we?’ You may have colleagues who’re more open-minded when it comes to the future.” The young man’s was looking at his girlfriend for approval and support, but she was gone with the wind.

\ “Let me check our wallet.” That was all we heard of her before she ran upstairs quicker than The Flash after Snyder’s cut.

\ I was safe and sound in a neutral corner, busy packing the equipment.

\ “We, the carpet cleaners, are the least of your worries.” Uh, that went well. For a second, I really thought my colleague would say, We The People. “You can always get new furniture, but what about plumbs and wires? Do you think that plumbers and electricians are stupid enough to get paid with air? What are you going to do, ha? Buy a new home each time something is wrong with your toilet or light?”

\ “Hey buddy, let’s cool down. I didn’t mean to…”

\ “I ain’t your buddy. Buddy!! And, secondly, what you do, I can, if I want to, but what I do, you can’t. Not in a million years.” My colleague was on fire, and to tell you the truth, it was too interesting to try to de-escalate the situation. Yeah, my guilty pleasure that day.

\ “I don’t get it.” I did, but I was waiting to hear my colleague’s version.

\ “Oh, yes, you do. You’re just playing dumb. Learn to code. I can learn to code, but you are totally useless without your computer. And, your crypto mumbo jumbo, you can stick…”

\ “How about some additional refreshments for the excellent work you just did? We truly appreciate it. And here’s the cash, as we agreed.” If you’re asking me, the young lady ruined what could’ve been an exciting non-celebrity death match.

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\ No Drakaris?! Damn, girl, you could’ve been a minute or two late.

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\ On our way out, it wasn’t the door that hit me back but my host’s question.

\ “Do you honestly believe that people like him,” the coder was pointing at my colleague who already started our company’s van and waited impatiently for me to hop in, “would ever accept Bitcoin or any other crypto for that matter?”

\ “I don’t know, man. He’s a good, hard-working person, but he operates only with cash, plain and simple. Nothing personal; it’s the way this business is running. We’re paying for everything we need in cash.”

\ “No disrespect, but I think that you, I mean, they’re the dying out species. They’re going to be left behind. It’s only a matter of time.”

\ Well, it was time to agree to disagree.

\ “We’re the endangered species, my friend. The AI is going to wipe us out, and it’s not a matter of time; it’s happening, one by one, first writers, then designers, and you coders are just buying time.” I didn’t let him interrupt me. “Some people will never accept Bitcoin. They would rather die on the cash hill than settle for anything else than gold or silver, even if it means going back to bartering.”

\ “We have the advantage. We can adapt. You could write AI prompts. You don’t have to do this. It’s beneath you, man.”

\ My colleague was Morse Coding me get-in-the-van-or-walk with the car’s horn. I realized that any further discussion and resistance is futile, Borg-style. I had to wrap up this one quickly and brutally.

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\ “Look, I have to go. Anything that can be done only using your hands on site is safe; all other things are on the AI kill list. You have to adapt and learn to do something else.”

\ I was done talking. On my way to the van, I could only think about the tip. Did we get enough from my cyber-brother-and-sister to get something to eat and drink on our way back? If they stuck to the HackerNoon Covid 20 percent tip rule, then we were covered.

\ “What was that all about? What took you so long? I’m tired, man. I did all the work while you were chit-chatting with your cyber-buddies.” I couldn’t tell whether my colleague was more curious or angry at me.

\ “Nothing. Just a few nice and calming words, so they don’t leave us a bad review on Google.”

\ “Don't bullshit a bullshitter, or you ain’t getting your share of all tips today.” He was dead serious.

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\ “The guy is a crypto maniac. That’s all.” My mind was on burgers, not on Bitcoins.

\ “Back in the day, I bought some Bitcoins too.”

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\ “Covid taught me an invaluable lesson. The only way to survive is to diversify.”

\ I was left speechless. What in the world?

\ “Don’t put all of your eggs, I mean assets, in one basket.” I knew it was a cheesy thing to say, but I had to say something. Tomorrow is a new day, and I have to play a cleaning game to survive. No more Zoom meetings, only carpets and upholstery cleaning.

\ “Relax. I’m just tired, that’s all. You’ll get your share.”

\ “Then, I don’t get it. Why did you have to make it so personal?” Now, when I’m sure that I’m going to get paid and fed, some things need to be asked and said.

\ “Don’t push it on me or anyone else. That’s all, man. Do you even know how much money we are spending each month on Google ads? How do you think we got this call in the first place?” The flashing fast food sign made my colleague stop driving and pause talking. “More payment options, more work. Quicker payment, more work. It’s that simple. But, for now, let’s stick to cash.”

\ I was still sitting in the van, processing all things said and done.

\ “C’mon! Get out! Let’s get in line. What do you want me to order for you?” He was counting the money on our way to the burgers big as a house. “Ah, one more thing. Don’t take any advice from me. I ain’t no financial expert. What do I know? I’m just a carpet cleaner. Spicy or not?”

\ That night was good for both of us and Bitcoin, too. The tips were more than generous, and Bitcoin hit $30K after almost a year.